This month Andy’s lovely lady got rushed into hospital with a terrible illness which caused him much distress. How on earth would he get to play videogames when he had to drive over for visiting hours twice a day? Sick people can be so selfish.

Simon’s ongoing shoulder injury is proving to be a pain in the arse as well as a pain in his shoulder. Not only are his Wii Remote-wielding powers seriously diminished, his dreams of taking on Rey Mysterio have taken a severe pummelling. Maybe a career in accountacy is on the cards, eh Simon?  

Ben got Worms this month. Not the gastric variety, but the videogaming sort. It didn’t cheer him up at all, though. In fact, he’s been more miserable and punchy than ever. We’re seriosuly considering having him tested for distemper, or tetanus, or whatever it is that mad dogs get.

David, being a northerner, is prone to looking at the bleak side of life. Annoyed by the loss of Britain’s manufacturing industry and the south’s apathy toward whippet racing in favour of pursuits like rowing and further education, he’s decided to have a sulk. Or get ‘mardy’, to use a ridiculous northern phrase.